Flow with Fatima

I woke up today with the rays of the sun touching parts of the wooden floor of the second story of my apartment. I peeped at the window and saw the sun right in front of it. I immediately remembered that this view was the reason I fell in love with this place in the first place. I manifested an east-facing apartment with wooden floors and a space for my plants. This apartment gave birth to a lot of shadowplay. I love this apartment. One week from today, I am finally leaving this apartment after two years of staying in it. I knew I needed to move months ago, but I arrogantly stayed until the universe took matters into its own hands and left me with no choice but to leave. I know I want to be elsewhere. I know I’m done with this city, so I traveled a month ago in search of the perfect apartment. To be honest, I haven’t found the ‘perfect’ apartment yet. I found one, and its proximity to the life I decided to choose for myself is there. The distance from the place to the salt water is les...

I was 12 years old. We just transferred from our grandmother’s house in Marikina to take care of my mother’s aunt’s house in Cainta. It was a new school, and I was shocked by the number of students in this school. There were 12 sections for just one grade level—that's like the whole high school population of my previous school. There were two other Fatimas in the first year, and I decided not to be one of them. I decided, right then and there, that I’m not Fatima anymore. I’m Elli. I initially pronounced it as Ee-lay, you know, like a lie. In the course of time, it has continuously evolved into different pronunciations and spelling variations. I managed to try to fit in because I was so afraid to stand out, allowing myself to be called names and shift into identities convenient to people I met along the way. Now, if that isn’t a great way to showcase my people-pleasing tendency, I don’t know what else will. I kept Fatima in a closet. I shrieked when people tried to call me by that ...